This morning I woke up from an unpleasant dream. My dream constituted of me living in San Francisco, growing and having friends there. However, I felt guilt which probably stemmed from my mom not approving me living in California aka not living near her.

Trying to truly be my own person and not trying to appease others will take some major reprogramming; maybe start from scratch...
My brain might be going through a wipe because I have a bad headache!

Until then, my dream (goal) to live in San Francisco will be riddled with guilt and bittersweet taint.

Officially abused alcohol.
Earlier this evening.
Also abused the toilet... thank goodness I wasn't dry heavin', that would've not felt pleasant.

Entering 2nd stage of Grief: Anger.

I still don't want to exactly return to ________. Although I've cheated twice in these near-three weeks. Fortunate to say each time was met with guilt and a quick deactivation. Total time combined from the two visits: less than 5 minutes. So that's good too.

Now to deal with my anger issues.

Sad and distraught since April 25, 2012.
Full-blown depressed and changed since April 29, 2012.

And counting...

All food-therapy and chocolate (especially dark chocolate) therapy sessions have been unsuccessful.
Sympathizing with drug-addicts, drug abusers and alcoholics.
Other contemplations with dark undertones have started to invade and interrupt thoughts.

Today marks the first day I have deactivated my online social networking webpage. I've had it for six years for many purposeful reasons, but yesterday was the first time I fully treated it just as a personal page and wanting to detach from the connectivity of the people I know. The main (and first) reason why I have __________ is to maintain my connections with family and relatives. Since I grew up in the Midwest, that was my life. Now that I live somewhere else, I still want(ed) to keep up-to-date with the lives of whom I keep dear to me. However since yesterday, I have wanted to just not know or feel anything for my family. [Please refer to the previous post.]

I have watched a couple of interviews with Dave Chappelle and in them, he explained why he left a successful show. Why he did, the things he did. I cannot say I would have the same experience, but I resonated with the ideology of taking a step back from. But it feels strange to say you have to take a step back from your family. Nonetheless, that is what I need to do. For as long as I need to stay away from _____________, that is what I need to do.